The path to Nirvana

Will we ever fully understand ourselves? I guess not. There are times we feel that we know what we are doing. We feel we are doing everything for a purpose. We feel happy, content and lucky. But I wish that life was that simple. Just when things seem too easy, predictable and obvious something changes and all your ideas, beliefs and the obvious are no more and you look like a fool for having been so naive.

Life these days forces me to make a choice in even the most mundane of things. Should I have breakfast at Goel( the cafeteria here at ISB), have it at home or skip it altogether. Should I spend the extra hour on one subject for a lost cause or spend it on something else where there maybe better return on marks. Should I attend a party or catch up on some precious sleep. Choices choices and more choices. I sometimes so wish that these choices were not there. Our lives would have been so much simple. Anyways even before I came here I had to make difficult choices. Should I change jobs and settle down in the US, should I quit my job or take a leave of absence, should I study at ISB or go for Cambridge...the list is endless. And I made each of those choices, worked through them one at a time...fought with my fears and apprehensions but I believed I made the right choices. Well the only problem with the definition of "right" is that it makes us happy. So when the scenario changes, happiness moves further away and then all those decisions do not seem so right anymore.

Now when this happens what do you do? You feel disoriented, frustrated and helpless...and just wish someone would help you...You stretch your hand out in the hope someone will hold you and guide you out. But it is India where nothing can ever be right and just like the Hindi movies there is no help when you need it. The police always arrives late.

So I resolve to keep fighting. I resolve to wade the shit and come out on the cleaner side where the lawns are picture green, the water is crystal blue and the air is pure and fragrant. Hope that would after all make me Happy. Would it? The personal battle wages and end is not in sight....adios