Is This A Love Story?

Diptesh liked rain very much. It had this strange mystery around it that never failed to enchant him. It was raining that evening too as he stared blankly out through the windscreen of his car at the intersection. He could see through the haze the bright halo of the red signal as the wipers tried in desperation to get the water clear. A lot of other thoughts churned through his head and the honking of the car behind him made him realize that he had indeed failed to see the light change to green.
Damn the people he thought. What has happened these days to people? No one can seem to wait for a second. Where is everyone going? Do they have such a wonderful time waiting for them at the destination that they can’t wait for it? Maybe …. Diptesh has no answer. He definitely doesn’t have one at least these days ever since he has left home for his job and neither is anyone waiting for him at home to rush to….someone he loves. The signal turned yellow at the next intersection but Diptesh took the turn. And then it happened. A speeding car from the other side rammed into his side at full speed. The sight of the lovely rain which was so beautiful just a moment ago went black…
Life is such an irony sometimes isn’t it? Diptesh who was cursing the rash attitude of others just minutes ago now faced the penalty of being rash himself. Or was he indeed rash? It might be possible that he was so mystified by the rain he loved that he got distracted or it could be all those thoughts that kept him busy all weekend which got better of him. Whatever it was we might not ever know …or even if we know does it matter? In fact who on earth really cared to know of those thoughts? Maybe his parents….again for them the loss of their only son is enough cause for grief. His mom probably will not survive this grief with her weak heart.
So what now? Friends will mourn the loss of a wonderful guy….A fun-loving guy who used to light up any gathering with the incessant blabbering and jokes. His managers will remember him as a very hard-working sincere and extremely talented guy yet will be looking for an able replacement…..that is life cliché it might sound.
But no one will ever know that behind the façade of this very jovial fun loving guy were loneliness and lots and lots of it. Loneliness which probably every one of us has felt to some extent in some phase of our lives. But why was he lonely? In fact he had lots of friends and loved making new friends too. Still he was lonely. He wanted to be in love. He wanted to share his feelings with someone- someone who would love him just as much and would always be there for him.
Actually Diptesh craved for his true love craved for the company of a girl who would mean everything for him. But funny that he really did not have any girl who was a good friend leave aside loves him. He had been through the same teenage life as any other normal guy and was quite popular in school. Still why this apathy for girls?
Actually he did not have apathy for them. He wanted to make friends with them just like any other guy but he was shy and afraid. All his extrovert nature all the qualities of mixing with friends suddenly vaporized whenever he interacted with girls. It was as if he withdrew into a shell. Part of this was nature but a part of this was the fear. Fear of the unknown and the fear of what if? What if he liked the girl and the girl did not like him? What if the girl liked him and said that to him? What if they were seen at some public place together? What if some girl breaks his heart? What if all of this hampers his studies? What if his parents got hurt due to some of his actions? Any person who has grown up in a typical middle-class Bengali society will understand his feelings. So he withdrew into the shield he had created for himself and in that “safety and comfort” he did not realize when his teenage was gone.
Still he felt that he loved a girl whom he knew since childhood. They had grown up together and Diptesh seemed to be happy spending time with her. But as always the shell got in the way and inspite of the feeling inside him that said that the girl liked him too he never found the guts to say anything to anyone. So he buried all the feelings reasoning it was some teenage crush and tried to get over it. But still the last day he actually did not forget the girl. All the wonderful times they had spent in childhood were as fresh as though they happened yesterday. First Love they say is irrepressible……
College was the same. Although the time spent was wonderful it was remarkable again in the fact that he made friends with not a single girl. Ohh poor guy this time the ego, prestige and the fear of refusal got in the way. He saw friends entering into relationships, breaking up and even getting engaged and comforted himself…He felt he was better off than them. He has no dependency on anyone, no time commitment for someone and freedom to enjoy life with friends immersed in booze and smoke. But deep down in his heart he knew that these was not the thing he really wanted and all these feelings were as the saying goes “Grapes are Sour”
Days and years went by like this till just a couple of months back. And he felt that he had found someone- the girl of his dreams that he had been searching for so long. Oops how did he get to know the girl? That is a story by itself but anyways he felt deep down inside him that she was the ONE. He had spoken to her only a couple of times and so when he got an assignment at another location he felt the urge to forego it. But he did one bold thing. Before leaving he could muster enough guts to ask the girl for her phone number.
Having got over the first real challenge he felt that he needed to call the girl up too. The first day he called her he could almost feel his pulse racing at around 120. His heart seemed to pop out when the girl first said hello. His mouth had gone dry and he could hardly talk for more than a couple of minutes. Everything that he had planned for hours before calling had evaporated at an instant. He felt dejected at himself and kept wondering till late in the night as to why he had become so nervous. She was only a girl after all. He did not realize when he had drifted off to slip on the couch.
The girl called back in a day or two and Diptesh fared better this time. He had a grip on the rush of adrenaline and talked to her for quite some time. That’s better he thought. He kept going through the entire conversation in his mind. He could not get her thoughts out of his mind. Not a day passed when he would not spend time thinking about her. It was as if his vision had gone hazy just like the wonderful sight of nature when it rains.
The conversation became more regular with time and Diptesh got to know more about the girl, her family her values and the more he talked with her the more he liked her. He thought what a wonderful thing it would have been had he not taken the assignment. He could have taken the girl out possibly on a date by now and then found the courage to express his feelings to her at an opportune moment. However he should not miss the opportunity when he returns home. Diptesh for the first time in many years had a dream- a wonderful dream he did not want to wake up from.
Then suddenly one day he lost contact with the girl. He could not get her on the phone for a week and neither had the girl called. Diptesh was very disturbed. Zillions of thoughts ran through his mind. What had happened? Was she well? Did he say anything wrong to her? Why was she not reachable? These telephone connections are no good these days. He should have taken her mobile number.
The girl at last sent him a mail explaining why she could not call. Diptesh felt relieved somewhat but a new wave of thought hit him. The last 13 days seemed the longest period in his life. He understood that he needed to express himself. This could not wait till the time he went back home. It might be too late. He already had wasted enough of his life alone and did not want to waste any further time. The girl had promised to call that night. Yah this was it. It had to be now. Diptesh went over the exact sentences in his mind as he prepared….. The Moment of Truth had come”
That evening as he left office he had become very calm. Just like the lull before the storm. He seemed to walk to his car in a trance. The rain however diverted his thoughts. But the exact sentences and the words he would say kept on ringing in his head. And then the unthinkable happened…..
The phone at his apartment rang constantly for half an hour but no one picked it up. The love story ended just before it was supposed to begin.I consider this a love story although no one would ever come to know that it ever existed. It was stacked up in the farthest corner of his heart forever.